by Gwen McMath
Note: This story is one in a sequence of stories about my life. It follows “There are Places.” If you have not read this story you should read for background as this story continues from the end of that story.
Have you ever had a friend in your life that wasn’t even a main character in your life story but if you hadn’t met, your life probably would have turned out very differently? For my former husband Charley and I that friend would have been Joe Phillips.
Joe was Charley’s friend for a whole lot longer than he was mine. In fact, Charley and Joe met while they were both students at Maple Lawn Pre-School. They continued to be friends all the way through high school at North Dallas High School in Dallas, Texas. They were both from Baptist backgrounds and went to the same Baptist Church all through school, which was North Temple Baptist Church across from Love Field in Dallas. When they got in high school, they became more rivals than friends and I think that was for several reasons. Joe came from a wealthy family and had whatever he wanted any time he wanted it, Charley’s family had been very wealthy but had fallen on hard times with Charley working to help support his family all through his high school years. Joe was a very good student and stayed out of trouble, and Charley had no interest in school and partied most of his high school years away. You could say that Joe was trying to live a Christian life at this time and Charley wasn’t.
This is where I came into the picture. A friend from high school JoNell Toomer had introduced me to Joe because we went to different high schools (he in Dallas, and me in Grand Prairie) and after she introduced us to each other at the beginning of my senior year in high school, we dated for the majority of my senior year. I liked him for lots of reasons but mainly because he was taller than me (a big plus!), good looking, and because of his Christian beliefs, I always felt safe with him. In fact, he was always helping me to stay on the straight and narrow. I was a believer at the time, but wanted to experience everything life had to offer which included lots of things that the Baptists didn’t agree with! In fact, his good behavior got to be a little stifling to me after we had dated a while.
Toward the end of our senior year our relationship begin to lose steam because of so many senior events at our two different high schools. Joe had taken me to my senior prom but it was not the event of my dreams (is it ever?) and we had argued that night. The standard of perfection for the prom was so high, the night was doomed. I had the perfect dress but not the perfect date. Joe had told me that he didn’t care who I dated but he didn’t ever want me to go out with Charley McMath. So, of course, when we began to argue, I was ready to get back at him by going out with Charley. A few nights later I had the opportunity and I took it. My girlfriend JoNell and her boyfriend Richard, her sister Susie and I went cruising around North Dallas and just happened to go by Charley’s house. As we pulled up, he was just getting out of a car with a bunch of girls. I had been introduced to him before, but was not too impressed with his appearance. First of all, he was shorter than me! He had on a terrible pair of pointy cowboy boots and wore glasses so thick you could barely see his eyes! He was far from the tall, dark, preppy dreamboat I was looking for. I was far from being his dream girl too. He wanted a short, dark, blonde and I was tall, fair-skinned (in fact, albino skinned!) and had red hair. But hey, I was out to get revenge at Joe so when Charley sauntered over to our car, I invited him to get in the car with us. We drove around for a few hours. During that time Charley divided his time between Susie and I and when we returned back at his house, he was so impressed with me that he asked me, “Now what did you say your name was?” Believe it or not this was the beginning of our relationship that ended with our marriage of forty-two years. I feel like I should share a few things about our relationship before we married but it won’t be extensive because it makes me sad to think about it and I think everyone should keep some things sacred to their memory. Suffice to say that we were basically inseperable from May of 1967 until we married in November of 1968. We broke up at one point when I went off to college at East Texas State and Charley stayed in Dallas and went to El Centro Junior College. He had another girlfriend during that time but when Christmas break came around he called me and asked if he could bring over some things that belonged to me and I said yes. The things consisted of an album cover with no record inside, so I knew from that point that he was still interested in me. He was not like any other person I had ever dated. We spent a lot of time going to the lake (I must of loved him because I didn’t like hot weather or sand!), going to movies and drive-in movies, day trips all over Texas, and occasionally over night trips where we would stay with relatives. What I really liked about him was that he was not superficial, he cared nothing about status quo, and he had wonderful character.
So what became of Joe? He certainly didn’t like losing me to Charley but he survived. When he got to college (North Texas) he left his Baptist ways behind and he and Charley kind of did an about face. Charley renewed his relationship with Jesus as I did when we married, and Joe left his behind. After Joe graduated from college he travelled the world until he got tired of that and then he got married a couple of times. We kept in touch with him occasionally and Charley and Joe and I became friends again, except this time Charley and I were always the ones trying to get him to renew his relationship with the Lord. After his second marriage ended in divorce, he did go back to the church and renewed his relationship with Jesus. Then we were all on the same page and enjoyed each other’s friendships again.
When Charley became ill with cancer Joe was a good support system for him. He called and encouraged Charley on a regular basis. Charley died knowing how much Joe loved and appreciated him and their friendship. Over the next few years, whenever I would go to Dallas, I would have lunch with Joe. His health was deteriorating but he was still working. He was a real loner and spent most of his time working and taking care of his mother in his spare time. His poor health and loneliness kept him depressed. He had lots of money but no one to enjoy it with. Each time I saw him I thought he was losing more of his mental alertness. He had remained a Baptist and was a permanent fixture as an usher at Rockwall Baptist Church in Dallas. The last time I spent time with him in Dallas, he didn’t seem to have a good grasp on his mental abilities.
On January first of this year he called me. I had company when he called so we just chatted a few minutes. He sounded very good, and happy to start the new year. I told him I would call him back but I got busy and didn’t. A few weeks later I got a call from another one of Charley’s good high school friends, Isaac Gian. He asked me if I had heard that Joe Phillips had died. I told him no and began to search the obituaries for Dallas and found he had died and the funeral had already been held. So here it was, he was gone and buried before I even found out about his death. I had no feelings of regret because he knew how much I appreciated our friendship and he certainly had been a good friend to me in the years since Charley died. But I can’t help think that he never understood how God had used him in introducing Charley and I so many years before. Did he know that I had gone after Charley with revenge in my heart to get back at him? Did he know that the little side remark he had made to me about Charley and not wanting me to date him would be what drew us together? I don’t think Joe had ever thought he had done much for God with his life because he had made so many mistakes, but he did a wonderful thing for Charley and I, our children, and now our grandchildren by putting us together. And, wonder of wonders, God was merciful and gracious enough to put us together even when we were following him from afar. He’ll do the same for you.
Rest in peace, sweet Joe. I’m sure Charley met you at the gate and has introduced you to all things eternal. Even your death taught me a lesson and that was that life events can change in a second. We should all keep short accounts with the people we love so that at the end of the day, every day, they know how much we love and appreciate them. Never miss a chance to tell those you love just how much you love them. Oh, and by the way, I am still on the straight and narrow, thanks for your help.