Weddings I
Have you ever really thought about what weddings symbolize? I have given lots of thought to the subject. In addition to having a wedding of my own nearly thirty seven years ago, I have hosted three weddings (if you count the one in my living room, and I do, but that is another story) and attended too many to count over the years. There is a reason why I have attended so many, which leads to what weddings symbolize to me, and that is happy life events in a world of too few. My theory has always been that I would rather go to someone’s wedding instead of their funeral, so I have made it my personal policy to go to as many weddings as I am invited to. In fact, I am so connected to weddings that I collect wedding toppers, because they represent happy events to me. I know that we all can think of many weddings that have not worked out for one reason or another, but the event of a wedding always carries with it the hope that everything will work out for the couple.
Now that you know my thoughts about weddings in general, I feel compelled to write about a wedding that did work out. But in order to do this wedding justice, I feel I must go back to the beginning. In the year 1993, while my family and I were living in Afton, Texas, my husband Charley decided that after three years in West Texas he was ready to begin to interview for a new superintendent job in a more populated area. My husband secured an interview with Rosebud-Lott School District (near Waco and Temple) and my middle daughter, Amber, looked it up on the map and said, “Daddy, I think you are going to get this job.” Well, Charley went for the interview and thought the interview did not go well. He came home worried about telling Amber because she seemed so sure about Rosebud. His misgivings were unfounded, however, and he was hired for the job. When we left Afton, Amber stuck her head out of the window and yelled,” Rosebud, here we come!”
When we arrived in Rosebud we moved into an apartment while we were waiting for the superintendent house to be renovated. We took the whole family over to the house to see how we liked it. Our house was located across the street from some tennis courts and there were three local Rosebud boys who were hanging out there when we pulled up to the house. They saw us drive up and they said to each other, “Let’s go see what the new superintendent’s daughters look like.” One of the boys we met that day was Neil Surguy.
That summer flew by very quickly and before we knew it Spring break came and with it a skiing trip to meet old friends from Afton. When we arrived at Winter Park, Colorado, our skiing destination, we knew that there was a group of kids there from Rosebud. We went over to their hotel to visit them and found out one of the boys had been in a skiing accident. He hadn’t skied before, and after only a half days lesson the other boys took him up on the mountain and left him to fend for himself. He did, and ended up with a concussion and some missing teeth. We went in to see him, he looked so pitiful. He was by himself in the room while everyone else was out having fun. We prayed for him and continued to pray for him every time we thought of him. And yes, it was Neil Surguy again.
We remained in Rosebud until Amber graduated from high school in 1997 and that summer moved to Corpus Christi where Charley took a job as superintendent of London School District. During that last year in Rosebud Amber casually dated (you guessed it) Neil Surguy. A few days before we left Rosebud Neil came to the door and gave Amber a going away gift. I remember thinking it was so sweet of him. I must add that Charley’s job in Rosebud turned out to be the most difficult one of his career, and we were very pleased to be moving to Corpus.
It was while we were living in Corpus that we got the call that Charley’s dad had died suddenly of a heart attack. We made quick plans and Charley left on the afternoon plane to Dallas to be with his mother, and the girls and I planned to drive up in the morning. On our way to Dallas, we were driving on the freeway between San Marcos and Austin when I looked over in the next lane and there was Neil! He motioned for us to pull over and we did. Amber went over to visit with Neil and he comforted her about her grandfather. I like to say that Charley’s dad picked Amber’s husband because it was that day that Amber and Neil began to see each other differently and began to date shortly thereafter.
The following summer Neil gave Amber an engagement ring and the date was set for July 15, 2000. Neil graduated from college that December and took an accounting job in Houston and Amber moved back home from San Marcos to go to school here that semester and to plan her wedding. I still remember the day when Amber left here for the last time as a single woman. When we all got out in the driveway, we all cried, Amber, her daddy, and me. It was a letting go time for all of us and very bittersweet.
Amber and Neil were married in the Catholic Church in Westphalia, Texas(one of the historic wooden ones) and what a wonderful day and wedding that was! The wedding was in the afternoon, then there was a wonderful dinner for about 300 people (turkey and dressing and all the trimmings) and that evening, a dance. My own father was getting very frail at that time but he made it to the wedding thanks to a dear aunt and uncle of mine who brought them. It was one of the last times we had him with us for he died shortly thereafter. And little did we know that happy day that a few short years later our darling daughter and sister, Vanessa, would leave us for heaven, but she did. So you see, we must celebrate on those happy occasions because the precious memories of them help us get through the difficult times of life.
Amber and Neil will celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary July 15, 2005. We can all say without hesitation that Neil Surguy was the best thing that came out of living in Rosebud, Texas and we would go through all of it again to get him as a son.
Update: Amber and Neil are still married at this writing and celebrated their fourteenth wedding anniversary in July. They have added three precious children, Charlie, eight, Thomas, four, and Elizabeth, seven months. They live in Corpus Christi.
Weddings II
Since my remaining daughter got married recently (June 21, 2008) I feel it necessary to add another story to my weddings narrative. My opinions have not changed about how much I love everything to do with weddings, but I think you will agree with me after you hear about the magnitude of this wedding, how I am content that I will not have to plan another one.
Robin is my youngest daughter and the last of my three girls to get married. We moved to Corpus Christi, Texas when she was a senior in high school from a small town called Rosebud. She came from a 2A high school into a 5A high school, which was a big adjustment for her. However, Robin was seventeen when she entered King High School. She adjusted so poorly to such a big school and the atmosphere of the school was so violent that we decided to let her graduate at midterm and go to Del Mar University for a semester. She didn’t do much better at Del Mar but on the first day of classes, in her first class, which was speech, she sat across from Austin. Austin had graduated from Carroll High School and had not quite made the grade at University of Texas (too much party, not enough studying). When they met, he seemed to be smitten with her, and very soon called her for a date. She said, “yes” to the date, and she was very excited because she had liked him from the minute she met him. They made arrangements for him to come pick her up and she said, “By the way, my dad won’t let me go out with you unless you come in and meet the family.” Austin was surprised by this but said okay. When he came to the door to pick her up, he was met by Robin’s dad who did a very good interrogation. When Austin asked him what time to bring her home, Robin’s dad said 11:30. However, he did not call her again because he was not interested in dating a girl whose parents were concerned about her whereabouts all the time. Looking back on that time, Charley and I were just trying to buy some time for Robin to mature a little before she went on to the rest of her life.
Years went by and both Robin and Austin dated other people. Robin moved to Houston and was invited to a party where lots of people that she had gone to high school and college with would attend. When she arrived who was there, but, you guessed it, Austin Tower. Robin had lost her young girl look and was now a beautiful young woman, and with Austin it was love at first sight. Robin liked the idea of seeing the one who got away and having the chance to be the one pursued this time. They began a long distance romance and burned the road up between Corpus and Houston. It wasn’t long before Robin decided to move back to Corpus.
As Christmastime approached that year, Austin called Robin’s dad and wanted to come see him. Austin told him that he wanted to ask for Robin’s hand in marriage and for his blessing in marrying her. He answered Austin by saying, “Yes, you may ask her to marry you, but I will wait to give my blessing until she accepts your proposal.” As time approached closer to Christmas, Robin called and wanted to know if Austin had been over to talk to dad. I lied and told her, “No, we have not seen him.” I could feel the disappointment in her voice but Austin wanted to surprise her with a ring on Christmas morning. The whole family got involved and Robin’s sister Amber, helped Austin wrap box after box inside each other. On Christmas morning Austin came over to Robin’s early in the morning with his gift. She thought he was crazy for being there so early in the morning, and she got more and more nervous as she got down to smaller and smaller boxes. The rest is, as they say, history. Robin was disappointed to find out that she was the only person in the family that didn’t know about the ring and the proposal. We would have liked to watch the scene unfold, but Austin wasn’t too keen about the idea.
It was a year and a half later that we found ourselves giving away our last daughter in her wedding ceremony. The months of preparations had flown by quickly. All the glitches, problems, and splashes of money had all been spent, and it was time to enjoy the wedding. The wedding took place at the First Methodist Church in Corpus Christi, facing the bay. The bride wore a beautiful white strapless beaded gown and had seven attendants with black dresses and carrying hot pink roses. The ring bearer was our first grandchild, Charlie, who was only two years old but we wanted to have him in the wedding. The look on Austin’s face as Robin walked down the aisle was priceless, truly a man in love. The reception was in the Water Garden Room in the American Bank Center overlooking the bay. We had a lovely evening with good food and dancing. Robin looked liked a princess. We had about three hundred friends and relatives attend. Charley, my husband and I were blessed beyond measure. It will probably be the last time we will have a party of that size for all our friends and relatives for such a happy occasion. Now that the event is over, we have forgotten all the little things that caused us to complain along the way, and when we look back we are so glad that we all did all we could to make the day and evening as beautiful as it was. Ahhh, weddings, how I love them…
Weddings III
As I read over” Weddings I” again, the statement I made in the first paragraph jumped out at me and that statement was, “We all know weddings that have not worked out” and I am sorry to say that Austin’s and Robins did not work out. There divorce was final October 31, 2014 and verified another thing I have found to be true in life and that is that some things in life are worse than death and the process of divorce is one of them. Our whole family was grateful that Robin and Austin had not had any children together. During the time right after Robin and Austin separated, Robin lived with me for a short while. She went to work for a styling salon here in Corpus and began to try to put her life back together. She met a man named Augustine Garcia who also worked at the salon and they became friends. Shortly thereafter, he left the salon because he was not making enough money, and started looking for a better job. For a while he worked for a roofing company(he now works in the oil fields) and I needed a new roof so Robin sent him over to give me an estimate for one. When he came over and we had finished our roofing business, he began to tell me a little about himself and that he was taking a class at the Catholic Church because he wanted to pursue a relationship with God. I was very impressed with this, and probably gave him more than he bargained for because I witnessed to him at length and before he left I gave him a copy of a story I had written on how to become a Christian and prayed with him. We talked about Robin that day and for some reason what she needed in a husband. Over the next several months he would text me occasionally about things of the Lord, and I would respond and loan him spiritual books which he read eagerly. Robin began to tell me that she was beginning to really like him so that worried me because I felt both of them were on the rebound from other relationships. I decided I needed to pull back from advising Augustine spiritually and especially not about his relationship with Robin because I didn’t trust myself in this area because of misreading Austin. Augustine started to attend a church in Portland to meet his spiritual needs. Augustine was baptized by his pastor in the ocean recently.
About a month ago, Robin again talked with me about Augustine and announced that they planned to get married soon. The church that they went to in Portland met in a school cafeteria so they didn’t really have any place to get married. They thought about the beach but the weather had turned cold. So three weeks ago (November 8, 2014) they got married in my living room. It was kind of last minute, but the wedding turned out beautifully. I already had my house decorated for fall, so we just went with that theme. Their pastor from Portland officiated, and only immediate family attended. They got married in a candlelight service in front of the fireplace. I decorated the mantle with candles, my wedding topper, the topper from my parents fiftieth anniversary, and the candlesticks from Robin’s great grandparents fiftieth wedding china. We did regret the small wedding for Augustine because he had never been married before.
The important thing here for me as I look back on these weddings is what have I learned? Some practical things for sure. Though I loved the weddings, it is now not that important where they were held or how much was spent on each wedding. The small wedding here was just as meaningful as the bigger ones. What really matters is the quality of the marriage. There is hardly anything in this life that is more important than picking the right mate, the one the Lord has picked for you. If you have this blessing, all other life issues flow out of it. My prayer is that both my sweet daughters and someday my sweet grandchildren will continue in the only truly important tradition about marriage and that is to marry the one the Lord wants you to.
Update: Since Robin’s first marriage, we have sadly lost Charley, my husband, and the girl’s daddy. We also lost my mother and Charley’s mother. All of these deaths have affected our lives forever, but so have the weddings.